For days now I have been thinking about community and friends.
You see, I have been feeling a bit disconnected lately. Longing for a deeper connection with people. Feeling like there is part of me that wants to be really known, but is afraid sometimes to authentically share myself.
That sounds kind of weird. But it’s true. I often wonder if people will like me and what I have to say, so I tend to keep a little distance, I hold back and don’t fully share about me and my life. It has actually become a habit to keep a few walls up as a way to protect myself. I don’t often let my guard down.
And, I spend waaaay too much thinking about what people must think of me – will they think I am weird or obnoxious, or worse-not worth knowing!
I always find myself looking up to people with so much respect and admiration, I wonder if they could possibly ever think the same about me.
Like many of you out there, I’m sure, you spend time online, reading blogs, getting to know people, sharing about life.
But, do you ever feel like all these people that you “know” – do they really know you? The real you.
This past weekend I had coffee with my very best friend from high school. We haven’t talked or seen each other for 18 years. Spending time with her, I felt more like myself than I have in YEARS!
She gets me and I know she does. That’s why we were best friends. And, even though many years have gone by, deep down in our hearts, we are the same people. Yes, we have had our share of life experiences, but the core of who we are is still very much the same as it was when we were rebellious teenage girls.
It felt really good to connect with someone like that, free of all my doubts and fears.
Why am I sharing all of this with you?
Because this past week, I have also had the chance to exchange some emails with many people who have found this blog. And, I was blown away with how often the light bulb went on, saying, yes! this person gets it, they get what I mean about how difficult it can be to chase our dreams and how deep the longing to express our self goes.
I felt myself wanting to really share myself and open myself up in these conversations. But those walls, man-they are so sturdy!
And so, here I am sharing this with all of you, because I am committed to breaking down those walls.
That feels good, but scary too, you know? To really share what is inside our hearts is risky. But, with that risk comes being with people in a way that they get who we really are.
And, I think that is all most of us really want. We want to be known and loved and we want to feel like we can just be ourselves.
I know, for me, the more I feel free to just be me, the more I allow myself to dream, to create, and to love.
And I want more of that. I want more friendship. I want more connection. I want more freedom to open up and just be me. Don’t you?
I’d love to know what you do to create friendship with people?
What are your communities like? Do you feel free to authentically express yourself? Do you want more connection? I’d love to hear from you!