Supermom vs. Visionary Mom – It’s time to get REAL!

There is so much pressure out there to be perfect.

To be the most unflawed mothers and women we can possibly be.

It’s crazy really.  I actually think it’s crippling our ability to be good moms.  We are so dang focused on getting everything just right in fear that if we don’t – we’ll mess up our kids.   And that hyper attention to being perfect has us fail to be in the moment and pay attention to what our kids really need.

I know I do this.  I stress about the food I am feeding them, what kind of school they should go to, should they even go to school?  Are the clothes they’re wearing made from natural materials?  What about their toys?  What’s in that sun tan lotion?  How do I discipline them so I don’t squash who they are?

MUST.GET.IT.ALL.CORRECT.

Everywhere we look we are bombarded with messages that we are not doing enough.

Even at playgroups.  We try to put on our happy faces and share about how amazing our kids are.  We don’t talk about our problems, the real struggles we are having behind the scenes.  Our flaws.

Our fears.

We just don’t talk about that stuff!  We want the people around us to see that we are doing a good job.  We want to feel like we aren’t messing things up.

Lately, I have been talking with so many moms, who’ve been opening up about the problems they have in their marriage.   I think that now that I am divorced, it’s “safe” to talk to me about these things.  But, before, I just never heard about what was really happening behind closed doors with my friends.  I know I never talked about the problems my ex and I were having.

There is so much shame and so much fear that people will discover we aren’t perfect, that we don’t have it all together, that things are broken.

It’s terrible!

When faced with this kind of shame and fear, most of us hide.  We stuff those problems down and work extra hard to get all that other stuff just right.

We get sucked into a cycle of trying to be super-mom, super-spouse, super-woman.

And the harder you try to get things “just right” the more you question yourself, the more you feel like you are failing, the more inadequate you feel.     The more you doubt yourself and feel like you are falling short, the more detached you become, the more hidden, the more inauthentic and so, totally not YOU!

This leads to trying to be someone we aren’t.   Trying to be that “super mom”  – which is not who you really are!

Being a great mom and a great person - involves one simple thing:

Being yourself.

photo credit

Fully sharing who you are, loving the way that you love, taking care of your home in a way that make you happy, spending time with your kids in an authentic way vs. how you think you “should” be doing things.  Doing things that work for YOU.

I know that’s not always easy.  But that’s what it is to be a Visionary Mom.

  • A Visionary Mom is someone who is totally in love with her kids, but doesn’t sacrifice her own identity in service of them.
  • A Visionary Mom is someone who has dreams and courageously chases those dreams.
  • A Visionary Mom stands for things that truly matter to her, even if it is not what everyone else thinks is the right path.
  • A Visionary Mom embraces her imperfections and is not afraid to talk about the down and dirty challenges she faces in her life.
  • A Visionary Mom does not strive to be perfect, instead she works hard to be herself.

It’s time to stop working so dang hard to get things right.

It’s time to get real – about who YOU are, what YOU stand for, and what matters to YOU.  If you are struggling with things, maybe those things are not what REALLY matter to you.

Here’s an example.  Say you obsess about feeding your kids perfectly.  You want them to be healthy and you worry about it.  But, you find yourself NOT doing the things you say you’re going to do.  Maybe, just maybe – eating a 100% clean perfect diet is not what is REALLY important to you.  Yes, we should feed our kids good food and, of course, we want them to be healthy.  But, trying to be perfect about it?  NOTHING is healthy about that!

For some people eating really well and having a hyper focus on food is their passion – it takes no effort, it is just what they love and implementing good eating habits and always serving “perfect” food is as easy as breathing for them. But, for you, you struggle.  So maybe it is time to cut yourself some slack and get real.  Yes, you will try to feed your kids healthy eats, but making yourself crazy about it is not really serving you – or your kids!

Look at this with anything in your life.  If it is hard and an effort and you spend an insane amount of time beating yourself up for “not getting it right” – maybe your attention is on being supermom vs. being a Visionary Mom.

A Visionary Mom works hard to live an inspired life, which has nothing to do with getting it right.

If eating perfectly inspires you – do it.  If it’s sucking the fun out of life, let it go.    Focus instead on nurturing your kids in other ways that work for you, that inspire you, and that leave you feeling awesome about who you are!

That is the biggest difference between being a Visionary Mom and a Super Mom.  “Super moms” make themselves crazy trying to be perfect.

Visionary Moms are true to themselves and let things go, in service of being happy and fulfilled.

 

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