How to Stop The Bad Self Talk

What would it sound like if put your inner dialogue on loud speaker?

Would we hear cheers and encouragement, or THE JUDGE OF DOOM?

You know the judge of doom, it sounds something like this:

  • I can’t do this, who do I think I am?
  • Everyone is going to think I am crazy.
  • I am so stupid.
  • Why can’t I …(fill in the blank).
  • I need to be more organized.
  • I wish I had more time.
  • This isn’t fair.
  • I don’t want to.
  • I don’t feel like it.
  • I’m tired.
  • What was I thinking?
  • etc, etc, etc….

I think you get the point. Any of this sound familiar?  What is the sound of your own judge of doom voice?  What do you tell yourself about WHY you can’t do the things you love?

What happens when you start to REALLY work on or even just start thinking about pursuing your dreams?

Does the judge of doom get louder? Probably. This happens to ALL OF US!

Our own negative self talk can put out the passion fires long before you even get started. They are powerful. And familiar. Aren’t they? How long have you been telling yourself that you are big disorganized mess?

It’s time to knock it off already!

I know that just stopping the bad self talk is near to impossible, but there are some things you CAN do to empower yourself and get out of your own way.

  1. Notice when you are beating yourself up.
    (It won’t stop, by the way – that human nature thing again). Just notice.. “oh-look there I go telling myself how awful I am again, interesting…” Bringing awareness to it gives you the chance to think new thoughts.
  2. When you notice it, think of something you are really proud of about yourself.
    It could be as simple as, “I am so happy I got up and made the bed first thing this morning” or “Wow, I am so brave for pulling out the paint after all these years.”  Acknowledge yourself, we don’t do this often enough.
  3. Whatever you do, don’t now use the awareness of your own personal pity party as one more thing to beat yourself up with.
    This is huge!  Often, the more we learn and discover about how we operate and what is holding us back, the more we use that to hold us back.  Like when you start to go to work on eating healthy and every time you eat something not so good for you, you beat yourself up about it and feel worse than if you were just eating bad all the time and not caring.  This is so normal!  New ways of living take time.  Habits take time.  Go easy on yourself.
  4. Share with people about the things you love and talk less about all your fears.
    I find that the more attention I give to my fears and worries, the bigger they are, the more real they seem.  When I take time for gratitude and giving thanks and saying yes to life, the more focused I get on that stuff.  The more I talk about how scared I am, or how I don’t know what the heck I am doing, the more focused I get on those things.  Give voice to the things that you love and more of that will show up in your life.
  5. Don’t try to change your negative self talk.
    Like in #4 above, the more you try to change it, the more you focus on it.  Instead, just notice when your thoughts are dis-empowering and then take a moment to think about something positive. Again, the negative thoughts won’t go away, so don’t try to pretend they aren’t there or to make them disappear.
  6. Spend a few minutes everyday sitting quietly with yourself.
    Visualize your dreams and passions. Be inspired by your own creativity. Imagine yourself fully expressed, totally alive, living true to your dreams.Visualization is powerful stuff, use it to allow yourself to tap into your dreams – to really feel and experience your passion and excitement about who you really are.

Practice giving yourself encouragement everyday. For some of us, it may come easy, for others, this may take something to make into a habit. But do it.

You deserve to KNOW yourself as the awesome mother and visionary that you are!

What can you celebrate about yourself today?

(photo credit)

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