I’m not going to lie, life has been super challenging lately.
I have been so ridiculously busy, my kids have had some stuff going on with their dad that has required more mommy time, we have all been super sick, my school classes this semester are boring as hell, and I have this new man in my life who I want to spend time with as much as possible, but don’t get to see very often.
There have been many times in the past few months that I have wanted to throw in the towel, give up, quit some of the things I’m doing and go into survival mode. And there were some moments where that is exactly where I was, just surviving. And barely. More like frantically treading water, trying not to drown.
I don’t like it when life is like that. I’m a dreamer, a visionary, someone who drinks up possibility for breakfast every day. Survival and me don’t mix.
But sometimes, that’s what there is to do. Just put one foot in front of the other and keep moving forward. Even when it’s hard. Even when you don’t want to. Even when it feels like you might be headed in the wrong direction. Even when you aren’t sure if what you’re doing is working or if it’s what you are passionate about anymore.
In the pursuit of living a passionate life, sometimes life is going to kick your ass. You aren’t always going to be euphoric and on top of the world, full of big dreams and that feeling that nothing can stop you or get in your way.
Sometimes, life will challenge you and force you to confront your own path. And often when that happens, it ain’t pretty.
For me, there have been lots of tears, lots of guilt, lots and LOTS of worry. I’ve been concerned about my kids, worried about financial aid junk, scared that this new guy who I’m crazy about will run for the hills as he watches me battle life in a big messy way. (he hasn’t by the way and that’s how I know he’s a keeper! 😉 ) I’ve wondered if I should be going to school, if the future I’m chasing is worth it and feeling like so many things I’ve been working on are falling apart.
Yep, I go there. And I know sometimes you go there too.
But, here’s the cool part. Through it all, I have had all around me in the form of mentors, friends, plans, visual reminders and powerful structures that keep pulling me back to my BIG VISION. My why, my dreams, my passions.
Even in the face of some tough challenges, I have been reminded of who I am, what I believe in, and what I want for my life.
I’ve worked really hard to live a big, bold, passionate life and when that other life – the life where I suffer and fail and am unhappy – tries to lure me back to her painful embrace, my created life is there, ready to catch me when I fall and more that willing to lift me back up and pushing me toward my dreams.
Sometimes we have to go through junk to remind us of why we are here.
I actually think it helps to reinforce our deep desire to live life on our own terms, to be the most awesome we can be as we navigate the waters of life.
And so here I am, coming out of the funk, present to who I am and what I want to do with this one precious life.
For those times when life presses against you, when you start to question and wonder if you are doing the things you should be doing, remember this:
Your dreams matter.
And if you’re having a hard time getting back to them, start small:
- Take a breath. Just one long, deep breath.
- Look out the window, take a moment to pay attention to what’s happening out there.
- Hug your babies.
- Sip a cup of tea.
- Go to bed early.
- Ignore the dishes and watch that silly tv show.
- Call a friend,
- and ever so slowly… open your heart.
It’s okay to go slow sometimes. It’s okay to take a break from working hard on your dreams. It’s okay to just take baby steps each and every day.
It’s okay to fall behind and feel like you don’t have it all together.
Your dreams, they are still there, waiting for you. As soon as you are ready, they will be too. They aren’t going anywhere.