Mindset and Getting Unstuck

Did you know that passion alone won’t carry the day?

my daughter, creating her own dreams...

 

Yes, passion is important.  It’s vital to living a truly joyous life that is fulfilling and makes an impact.

But, you need a heck of lot more than just passion to live a life worth living.

There are other things that are just as important.   And when they join forces with that glorious passion spark, then WATCH OUT!  Very little will stop you from making those big, juicy, inspiring dreams of yours happen!

This list is not the be all, end all. 

The top 5 things you need to truly thrive in life:

1.  Passion.

Yes, for sure.  Passion is the light that makes everything seem possible. It is the love, the joy, the thrill.   It’s why you are working on what you’re working on in the first place.

2.  A Clear Vision

I am crazy inspired by creativity.  But, that alone will not make anything really fabulous happen in my life.  What do I want to do with creativity?  Do I want to make things?  Write?  How do I want to express myself?  Do I want to help others find their creativity?  What is it about this whole business of being creative that inspires me?  What do I want to make happen in the world with this passion of mine?  In what ways can I tap into and live my life being creative?

These are important questions to ask and answer.  How are you going to manifest your passion? What is the vision of how to best bring more of your passion into your life and the world?

Get specific here!  For me, I’ve decided I’m going to be an art teacher.  I changed my major in school to make this happen.  I have a clear vision of how I want to inspire teenagers to express themselves through art.    Along the way, I’m also going to make lots of art and engage with the creative community where I live.  But, I have a goal, a specific vision of what I want to make happen in the world.

3.  A Plan

Just winging it usually doesn’t work.  Yes, sometimes we get lucky.  Or our passion is so big, we can’t help but to work on making our dream a reality.  But, more often than not, the day to day grind of just living will, the urgent pressing needs of our everyday lives, will get in the way and wear us out.  Leaving little room, energy and motivation for the yummy stuff that feeds our soul.

It’s such a funny thing, but we are all guilty of it!

We all know that when we are inspired and engaged with life in a passionate way, we feel better, are better mamas and are way more fulfilled and happy.  And yet, we put that stuff off until later.

You have to plan for your dreams.  You have to carve out room in your busy life to work on them, or they may not happen! I have a plan for getting my teaching credentials, I know where I’m going to finish off my schooling, how long it’s going to take and what I need to do.  I am registered for classes and am actively working on that plan.

My dream is coming to fruition because I have a plan.  Without that plan, all I would have is the idea.

Knowing what you want to manifest in the world and how you’re going to do that breeds a far greater chance that you will actually succeed!

4.  Integrity

Being passionate about something, knowing specifically what you want to make happen, and mapping out a plan for how to get there will make exactly nothing happen  if you don’t take action.   If you don’t do the things that are necessary to bring about whatever it is you want to create in your life, then your big ideas probably won’t happen.

If I totally slack off in school, don’t do my assignments, don’t engage in my learning and participate with a full heart, then I’m not going to end up teaching.    Period.

You have to do the work.

If you say you are going to spend time in your studio painting, you have to do it if you want to be a painter.

And here’s the rub about integrity:
Every time you don’t do something that you set out to do, it clouds your vision, it warps your passion and it leaves you doubting yourself.  Which can so quickly send you down the “I suck, what’s wrong with me, my life is hard” path.

The more you take action on your dreams, the more happy and fulfilled you are.  The more you blow off stuff and avoid taking action, the more like poo you feel.

So, yeah, integrity is a seriously important component.

5.  Support

All of the above, you can for sure manage and do on your own.  But, it is so much easier and so much more effective when you don’t go it alone.

Having people around you who support your dreams, encourage you to take action, push you to go for it.  This makes such a ginormous difference.

When my people have my back, they don’t buy into my self doubt.  They lift me up when I feel like I can’t go on.  They cheer on my accomplishments.  They say yes to all my lofty ideas.  They get me and that gives me courage.

When you put these 5 things together.. so much more becomes possible.

You really can make any dream, ANY DREAM,  you want come true.

 

 

 

If you want to live an amazing, inspired, visionary life, here is one thing that will make a huge difference:

Tend to the space that you live from.

Say what?! Here’s what I mean…

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Everyday, with everything that you do… you do it inside of SPACE. Another way of thinking about it is the background that colors and shapes your life.

We don’t live in a vacuum. We live in the space around us.

Whatever is in that space around you, it shapes how life goes, what you experience and how you feel. And, our thinking determines the kind of space that we get to live from.

Some examples:

A very poor, homeless woman, struggling on the streets very likely lives in a space/background of “life is hard, this sucks, so unfair, there is nothing I can do.”

A creative mama who takes pictures all day and shares the stories of her life on a beautiful, fun blog most likely lives inside the space/background of “Life if beautiful, what’s happening right now that I can capture and share?, oooooh that’s a great blog post!”

An overwhelmed, totally exhausted, no time for herself mama who has zero energy to work on fun stuff might live in the space of “I’m so tired, I need sleep, my kids are driving me crazy, I wish I had more energy.”

 

The thinking about your life – the stuff that’s in the background – absolutely effects how life goes for you!

 

So, to create a life that you love, that fulfills and excites you.. you have to tend to the background space that you live your life from.

If you want to live a more creative life, you have to think from living creativity.

If you want to grow your amazing small biz, you have to think from a kick ass business owner’s point of view.

If you want to set up a beautiful home for your family, you have to think about what that means and be hunting for ways to make your living space more beautiful.

Dwelling on the junk and feeling sorry for yourself will just give you more of the junk.

Thinking about possibilities and dreams, sets up a space around yourself that allows for those dreams to come true.

Yes, you still have to take action, make plans and get to work on those ridiculously cool plans of yours but…

If the space you do all that inside is funky -“no magic, life is hard, poor me” kind of thinking – even the best laid plan are likely to fail.

So, to create a fab life, tend to the space that you are living inside. Are you inspired? Are you thinking as if this great life you imagine is really happening? Are you CEO thinking about the projects you’re working on?

Whatever is in the background will shape the foreground.

So… nourish those background thoughts you’re having!

I know that alot of us struggle with “Am I doing the right thing?” ~ “Is this the right path?”  ~  “How do I know what I’m supposed to be doing?”

I have the answer for you in the first of a new series called Visionary Living… short little bites that will help you sink your teeth into living a visionary life.

Is this video, I invite you to look within.. listen to what inspires YOU, so you can stop questioning yourself…  and start LIVING!

 

[box]What inspires you?  When you let go of questioning and let go of seeking the “right” thing to do with your life, what most inspires you?

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A letter from the woman I long to be, from that future “me” that all of us strive for, that woman living in a future life that I hope to someday be living….

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Dear beautiful mama,

Slow down.  Life goes so fast and I know that you have big plans and dreams.  But don’t rush.

You will arrive where you want to be when you do.

You’ll experience life the way you want it to be, you will.

But I have this advise for you:  Enjoy the ride getting there.

Connect to the moment you’re in.  Savour it.

Your kids will be grown before you know it.  So, enjoy them.  Right here.  Right now.

The journey is sweet.  So, yes, keep your eye on the target, keep moving forward, but check out the scenery along the way.

Love yourself for who you are today.

To get where you want to be, that takes knowing how to get there.  You can’t discover the route if you aren’t willing to look at your life, how it is, today.

What if what you’re doing right now is exactly what you’re supposed to be doing, because it is what you’re doing?

What if all the steps along the way are tiny little perfect moments of your life?

If all you can think about is the future, you won’t enjoy the now.

And the now is your life.

Each little moment is moving past and if your attention is on something else, you’ll miss the beautiful sweetness of your own life.

You’ll miss out on your life!  Your one precious life.

Down the road, when you “arrive” at where you want to be, when those big plans happen, if you’re not well practiced at enjoying your life – in the moment – if you don’t know how to do that,  the big arrival will slip away, just like these moments.  Experiencing the joy and fulfillment of living a created life will be missed.

Likely, you will have your attention on the next big project, never getting to settle in the life that you’ve made happen!

So slow down.  Enjoy this moment.

Yes, keep creating and dreaming and wanting more for your life.  That’s healthy.

But pay attention to the road you’re on, that’s taking you into the life you’re dreaming about.  At some point.. the road you are on – right now – will be that future life.  So learn to experience it today.   Practice being in your life, vs. just dreaming about it.

Love your life right now, today, in this moment.

 

 

I know, sometimes easier said than done!  Failure can really de-rail us and leave us feeling unmotivated, frustrated and like maybe we should just give up on this dreaming business.

But, all of us fail.  Things go off plan, accidents happen, stuff we could never have predicted throw us a curve ball.  All of that is really a normal part of making big things happen in life.

Here is me talking about a recent failure of mine and my very best advice on how to deal with things when they go off track.

So, how do you deal with failure??  Share in the comments below!

There is so much pressure out there to be perfect.

To be the most unflawed mothers and women we can possibly be.

It’s crazy really.  I actually think it’s crippling our ability to be good moms.  We are so dang focused on getting everything just right in fear that if we don’t – we’ll mess up our kids.   And that hyper attention to being perfect has us fail to be in the moment and pay attention to what our kids really need.

I know I do this.  I stress about the food I am feeding them, what kind of school they should go to, should they even go to school?  Are the clothes they’re wearing made from natural materials?  What about their toys?  What’s in that sun tan lotion?  How do I discipline them so I don’t squash who they are?

MUST.GET.IT.ALL.CORRECT.

Everywhere we look we are bombarded with messages that we are not doing enough.

Even at playgroups.  We try to put on our happy faces and share about how amazing our kids are.  We don’t talk about our problems, the real struggles we are having behind the scenes.  Our flaws.

Our fears.

We just don’t talk about that stuff!  We want the people around us to see that we are doing a good job.  We want to feel like we aren’t messing things up.

Lately, I have been talking with so many moms, who’ve been opening up about the problems they have in their marriage.   I think that now that I am divorced, it’s “safe” to talk to me about these things.  But, before, I just never heard about what was really happening behind closed doors with my friends.  I know I never talked about the problems my ex and I were having.

There is so much shame and so much fear that people will discover we aren’t perfect, that we don’t have it all together, that things are broken.

It’s terrible!

When faced with this kind of shame and fear, most of us hide.  We stuff those problems down and work extra hard to get all that other stuff just right.

We get sucked into a cycle of trying to be super-mom, super-spouse, super-woman.

And the harder you try to get things “just right” the more you question yourself, the more you feel like you are failing, the more inadequate you feel.     The more you doubt yourself and feel like you are falling short, the more detached you become, the more hidden, the more inauthentic and so, totally not YOU!

This leads to trying to be someone we aren’t.   Trying to be that “super mom”  – which is not who you really are!

Being a great mom and a great person – involves one simple thing:

Being yourself.

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Fully sharing who you are, loving the way that you love, taking care of your home in a way that make you happy, spending time with your kids in an authentic way vs. how you think you “should” be doing things.  Doing things that work for YOU.

I know that’s not always easy.  But that’s what it is to be a Visionary Mom.

  • A Visionary Mom is someone who is totally in love with her kids, but doesn’t sacrifice her own identity in service of them.
  • A Visionary Mom is someone who has dreams and courageously chases those dreams.
  • A Visionary Mom stands for things that truly matter to her, even if it is not what everyone else thinks is the right path.
  • A Visionary Mom embraces her imperfections and is not afraid to talk about the down and dirty challenges she faces in her life.
  • A Visionary Mom does not strive to be perfect, instead she works hard to be herself.

It’s time to stop working so dang hard to get things right.

It’s time to get real – about who YOU are, what YOU stand for, and what matters to YOU.  If you are struggling with things, maybe those things are not what REALLY matter to you.

Here’s an example.  Say you obsess about feeding your kids perfectly.  You want them to be healthy and you worry about it.  But, you find yourself NOT doing the things you say you’re going to do.  Maybe, just maybe – eating a 100% clean perfect diet is not what is REALLY important to you.  Yes, we should feed our kids good food and, of course, we want them to be healthy.  But, trying to be perfect about it?  NOTHING is healthy about that!

For some people eating really well and having a hyper focus on food is their passion – it takes no effort, it is just what they love and implementing good eating habits and always serving “perfect” food is as easy as breathing for them. But, for you, you struggle.  So maybe it is time to cut yourself some slack and get real.  Yes, you will try to feed your kids healthy eats, but making yourself crazy about it is not really serving you – or your kids!

Look at this with anything in your life.  If it is hard and an effort and you spend an insane amount of time beating yourself up for “not getting it right” – maybe your attention is on being supermom vs. being a Visionary Mom.

A Visionary Mom works hard to live an inspired life, which has nothing to do with getting it right.

If eating perfectly inspires you – do it.  If it’s sucking the fun out of life, let it go.    Focus instead on nurturing your kids in other ways that work for you, that inspire you, and that leave you feeling awesome about who you are!

That is the biggest difference between being a Visionary Mom and a Super Mom.  “Super moms” make themselves crazy trying to be perfect.

Visionary Moms are true to themselves and let things go, in service of being happy and fulfilled.

 

If you are just now joining us, this past week we’ve been looking at living a passionate life.

First we talked about Passion, Purpose and Vision, then How finding your passion is not as hard as we make it out to be.

Today, let’s chat about Cultivating Passion

The word cultivate is usually used for gardening.  It’s about preparing your soil, creating an environment for growth.  And that is exactly what you need to do if you’re going to live a passionate life.

You have to create an environment that allows for passion to live and grow.

One of the biggest roadblocks to expressing and celebrating whatever it is you’re passionate about is nay-sayers.

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You know those people in your life that like to tell you how hard it’s going to be, what silly ideas you have, how you have to be practical and careful?  How it can’t be done?   Those people.

I know that when I am fired up about an idea, so freaking excited that I can’t settle down, I just want to talk about it.  Except that the person talking to could care less.

But, I am a talker, so I plow forward anyway, hoping that they will get excited.

The more I go on about my brilliant, exciting idea, the more they have to poo-poo my vision.  But, Lisa, “you can’t do that… you have to think about the kids.  How much will that cost?  That sounds great, in theory, but you have to be realistic.”    and on and on they go, telling me why it can’t be done.

And pretty much right away, I’m deflated.   Sound familiar?

It is really, really hard to share our enthusiasm into negativity.

What often happens is instead of creating more excitement and love for your idea, you move into convincing, defending, selling, trying to talk someone into something that they are just not interested in, at all.

There is absolutely no passion in that.  Zero. Ziltch.  Nada.

When you are in big time convincing mode, are you inspired?

No way!

Probably you are annoyed, frustrated, and maybe even a bit angry.  Personally, I have gotten into full on fights with people I really love because they just “don’t get it.”  Stuff like this can actually ruin relationships.

And your dreams.

Because if you are only surrounded by people that “don’t get it” – you never, ever get the opportunity to really share your  passion.  And worse?  You don’t get to be heard.

You don’t get to experience your dreams and your ideas, your inspiration and excitement, uplifted, celebrated and acknowledged as worth going after.

And, that sucks.

So, the first step in cultivating passion in your life is to find people that “get it” – people that will support you, cheer you on, encourage you and say, “yes, you can do this!”

Not everyone in your life is going to be like that, so you want to make sure you have some people who are.  To counter balance the people that want to talk you down.

I’ve heard advice to just get rid of the naysayers, to leave them behind as you move into new possibilities in your life.  Personally, I don’t agree with this advice.  Yes, if you have truly toxic relationships that eat at your soul and leave you feeling unsafe, my advice is 100% walk away.

But, there are people that really love you and only want what’s best for you.  They just aren’t big time dreamers, chasing after possibilities.   Living a passionate life is not their thing.  So they are not going to back you up as you go chasing after your dreams.  But they still matter and are important to you.

So, the best thing to do is just let them be.  Don’t try to change them.  Stop trying to convince them to live the way you live.  And stop trying to get their approval and support for your big ideas.

Instead, go find other people in your life to fill that role.

Give those people a big giant part in helping you achieve your dreams.  Engage with them often, share your ideas, let them share theirs.  Built up these relationships to you can stay afloat when those other people try to bring you down.  Let your community of big time dreamers be your life raft in a sea of “it can’t be done.”   And that, my friends, is the world out there.  It can’t be done is seen and heard everywhere you go.

The best defense?  Find and be a part of an amazing community of people who will cheer you on as you explore and pursue your dreams.

Having trouble finding this kind of community?  I have a solution for you!  :) The Visionary Mom Teams are designed to provide exactly this type of role in your life.    A team of women – of mothers – who get it.  Who want to live extraordinary lives and who want YOU to do the same.  Recently, a mom on one of the teams wrote this about her experience:

“I joined a visionary mom team in the last few months of my Ph.D.  I have a two year old son, and I was feeling exasperated about the amount of stress I was under, all the work I had to do, and the effects that this was having on my relationship with my son.  The problem was there was no one in my life who was really supporting me in my goals of finishing school and being a good mama.  The visionary mom team became a huge part of my support system.  I found the other women on my team so inspiring and I love hearing about their lives.  Even though we were working on totally different things, we also had a lot in common in our drive for self improvement and love of our kids.     I felt like I was really heard and that I was understood and accepted for who I am.”  ~Tatiana

I really do think that having this kind of community in our lives makes THE BIGGEST difference in us being able to do the things we love.

The next Visionary Mom Team starts on July 1st, and we have a few spots still available.  If you are needing/wanting this kind of support to help you fulfill your dreams, please come and play with us!

Details about the team are here.

And then, next up – Part 2 in cultivating your passion – easy steps to keep your dreams alive.

See you tomorrow!