A regular series ~ Share YOUR Truth. Giving all of you a chance to share your truth, celebrate it, embrace it and proudly be who you really are…
This week, we get to hear from Visionary Mom reader, Hannah Marcotti.. .enjoy!
The Truth Is…
When I sit down my belly still has that little round pregnant look to it. My youngest is two.
I gave up dieting 2 years ago and during that two years learned to love my body, jiggly belly and all. I thought all those previous years that my belly size controlled my happiness, now I have learned it is the other way around. I used to stare at women who had flat bellies and compare them to mine. Now I admire the different shapes and fullness of bellies, I love a healthy strong woman with a softness to her, it is real and it is true. When I feel sexy and loved I become sexy and loved.
A week before my period I find it hard to look people in the eye, I struggle with social anxiety and I wish I could be alone, for the entire week.
Each new cycle we have as women brings a renewal and a chance to change, to refocus and to look within. It is an opportunity to seek some silence in a place where there is little time to feel still and lonesome and challenged. It is a time when my husband and I don’t feel connected, though as we are learning together, it is ok to allow some space. When I come out of that week I feel alive and full of passion, I can accomplish and move ahead. As I move through the sadness and self doubt that arises each month, there is the chance for me to grow, to become stronger and to understand my needs.
I long to have the kind of patience that allows me to just be when my kids are fighting or the baby is screaming.
I am not the only mother who wishes I had not yelled or lost my temper, who wishes for a do over. That we are not alone in this mothering world and admitting the truth of what it feels like, only brings us deeper connections. Trying to be perfect only brings us to failure. Believing there is a perfect mother, a perfect anything is waging a battle with ourselves that we will never win. Being me, working to love my children and my partner with creativity and joy is where I find success.
There are days when I feel tired, unsure of how I will get myself to where I want to be.
Some choices I’ve made along the way have led to challenges; most days I see those challenges as opportunity to become stronger and deeper as a woman. Most days I feed my body beautiful food, move it with joy and allow where I want to be to guide my actions. I’ve learned how to do that. I know that my mind is responsible for my happiness and that if I strive to be in joy and abundance, I can get there today, I am there today. It is not my bank account or the labels on my clothes that determine my abundance. Just like my happiness has control over my belly, so too does my mind control my abundance. Since I have allowed myself to change and to recognize that I am only stuck if I choose to be, I have been able to teach that process of change to others.
I never thought my marriage could end, now I understand that nothing is certain or permanent.
My husband and I lost our way somewhere in the middle of stress-full jobs and pregnancies that challenged our bond. My vision of being pregnant did not include months sick in bed, or the smell of another person’s body sending me into panic. It was a time that I learned a baby could cry for 8 hours a day and a tired mom has few tears to shed. Coming through that time with Patrick’s hair turning a bit gray and increasing lines on my face were physical symptoms, the emotional ones had stayed hidden. We saw the possibility of our union coming apart, and that crisis led us back to why we loved, why we chose, why we are. I understand that loving someone is a challenge and a choice, a daily practice of not taking the other for granted.
I have a tendency to self sabotage when things are going well, when it is out of my comfort zone.
Each of us has a predetermined idea of how successful, joyful, beautiful or abundant we can be. As these boundaries are challenged and we move towards breaking through them it is easier to go back to what we know, the comfortable and safe. Sabotage for me has looked like eating potato chips in the pantry, starting a huge fight with my husband, looking in the mirror with nasty thoughts. As I expand my world, those moments are now guides for understanding the work I need to do to move into where I want to be. Potato chip moments show me that something is off balance, that I need to rest and play in between the days of intense writing, working and creating. I see my fears and know that it is those fears, not the journey that is in my way. As I move towards my goals and fulfilling my dreams I am thankful for remembering to find my balance.
Hannah Marcotti is a Health and Lifestyle Coach living in Providence, RI with her husband and three children. Knowing when she was pregnant with her third child that it was time to leave diets and unhappiness behind, she healed her high anxiety disorder and body using food and mindful practices. After attending the Institute For Integrative Nutrition, Hannah started her Coaching Practice, Hannah’s Harvest , where she uses food as a gateway towards transformation. She guides women from all over to discover and create the best version of their lives by setting goals and creating simple action steps that lead to big success.
Want to share YOUR truth? You can submit a photo, an essay, a video, a story.. whatever you think would best communicate your own, personal truth.
I love hearing from you!!